The Benefits of Breaking Up: 3 Surprising Reasons Divorce is Not All Bad

January 19, 2023 | J. Benjamin Stevens | Share:

Cracked heart shaped cookie decorated with red icingWe all know that divorce is often seen as a negative experience. But what if we looked at it from a different perspective? What if, instead of seeing divorce as a negative experience or a bad ending, we saw it as an opportunity to create something new and better for ourselves? Here are three ways you can reframe your negative thoughts about the break-up of your marriage to see the positive benefits of an impending divorce:


What you call weakness is really just a chance to show your true strength.

When divorce or a break-up strikes, it can feel like the end of the world. You probably feel like your greatest weaknesses have just been put on display for all the world to see. However, you are in total control of how you frame the things that happen to you. Instead of framing your divorce experience in negativity, reframe it for what it actually is – the perfect opportunity to showcase your genuine strength that most people probably don’t even know you have.

Sure, it may seem frightening, and even heartbreaking, in the moment, but if you muster up your courage and strength, instead of being a process that is only seen as tearing apart a marriage, divorce can be a transformative experience that takes something that is broken and turns into a healthier existence for both former spouses. So, the next time you face those thoughts of weakness and have difficulty seeing the positive, remember that your job throughout the divorce is to accept what is and work to use every part of it as an opportunity to tap into your inner strength to show how you will rise above and find a better life for yourself, no matter what.


What you call a loss is really just a life lesson.

It’s easy to understand why so many people view divorce as a huge loss in their lives. As an adult, it’s one of the most impactful experiences you can have beyond the death of someone very close to you. And it’s perfectly healthy to initially recognize that you are losing something when a marriage falls apart. Assuming your marriage was not forced or based on some kind of abusive dynamic, there was likely a great deal of love at the beginning of the marriage. If the marriage has come to an end, then you’re losing that love you thought would always be there for you.

However, the marriages can often be full of problems that were simply too large to overcome with the innocent or uninformed kind of love that typically exists before two people begin living together all the time, year after year. Therefore, after you’ve processed the grief over the love you thought you had, it’s time to start looking back on your marriage to find the lessons for the future. Marriage, especially a bad one, will offer abundant opportunities to learn what you will (and will not) tolerate from a romantic partner going forward. Use these lessons to make sure your divorce isn’t a total loss but rather a transformative, valuable lesson in terms of understanding want you really want out of life and your future relationships. What may seem like a loss from one perspective can be seen as something incredibly beneficial from another, so never discredit the lessons you’ve learned following the “losses” in your life.


What you call a financial limitation is really just a chance to be creative.

 Divorce is often seen as a limitation, especially when examining the financial implications that it can have on your resources. It’s certainly true that when two spouses transition from living on two incomes and sharing their assets and property to having to rebuild their lives as single individuals again, the lifestyle of each can take a temporary hit. However, it is also important to look at this as an opportunity to get creative with your finances as you set up your new living situation.

Think of it like a game or challenge – you have X amount of money to use, and you need to figure out how to make the most of it, but this time around, you’re not fighting with your spouse over how the money gets spent. If you didn’t like that he/she always spent a ton of money on cable channels you never watched, now you can save that money and reallocate to fit your needs. If you hated the money spent on clothes that might be worn once (or never), now’s your chance to put that money to better use for building your new future. You might be surprised by just how much money you can save when you allow yourself to think about your finances in new and creative ways. Seeing what you can do despite the financial limitations placed on you or other financial challenges that may appear before the divorce is final can lead to rewarding experiences that will likely provide some very useful moments of insight that you can keep with you forever.


Final Thoughts

So, there you go. Three easy ways to reframe the common negative connotations most people associate with a failing marriage to be a positive experience for you as you begin your new life. Instead of looking at the situation and feeling like a victim, try to see it from a much different perspective. Maybe this is an opportunity for you to show everyone how strong you really are. Maybe there’s a life lesson to be learned here. Or maybe this is your chance to get creative with your financial life and come up with new solutions that your former spouse wouldn’t allow before.

Whatever the case may be, don’t give up, and always know that you have the power to change your circumstances. If you find yourself in need of some extra support, reach out to us. We’re here to help you through tough times, and we can offer guidance so you have a better chance to come out on the other side of this stronger than ever.

If you know you’re in a failing marriage and you’re facing an imminent separation or divorce action, it’s important to contact an experienced family court attorney like J. Benjamin Stevens today to guide you through the process. Ben Stevens is a Fellow in the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and is a Board Certified Family Trial Advocate by the National Board of Trial Advocacy. He has the experience to help guide you through the most complicated family law issues. You are invited to contact our office at (864) 598-9172 or to schedule an appointment.


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Contact our office at (864) 598-9172 or to schedule an initial consultation.



Aggressive, creative, and compassionate are words Ben Stevens' colleagues freely use to describe him as a divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Stevens is a Fellow in the prestigious American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, the International Academy of Family Lawyers, and is a Board Certified Family Trial Advocate by the National Board of Trial Advocacy. He is one of only two attorneys in South Carolina with those simultaneous distinctions. He has held numerous leadership positions in the AAML, and he currently serves as one of its National Vice Presidents. Mr. Stevens has a statewide practice and regularly appears all across South Carolina.  His practice is focused on complex divorce and child custody cases.

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