5 Classy Secrets That Divorce Success Stories Have in Common

When a couple decides to get a divorce, it is usually a difficult decision. No one goes into it lightly; it is always a last resort when all other attempts to save the marriage have failed. It can be especially tough on the children, who may feel like they are losing both parents at the same time. But some couples manage to get through a divorce without any drama or hard feelings. So how do they do it? Here are five secrets all successful divorce stories have in common:

 

1. Both parties are committed to making the divorce as smooth and painless as possible.

 Both spouses understand that this is a difficult time for everyone involved, and they make an effort to minimize the stress. If there are children involved, they put the children’s needs first. They are not vindictive or vengeful in their dealings with their spouse. They don’t hire attorneys known for causing drama for the sake of drama to handle their divorce. Instead, they typically suggest to their attorneys that they are interested in using a divorce mediator to sort out the divorce settlement details before the court case is filed.

They don’t fight with their spouse over everything that must be discussed, and they work hard to keep the details of their private life private. This can be difficult, but it is important to remember that you were once in love with this person, and you still care about them at some level. It is possible to remain friends after a divorce, and doing so can make the transition much easier for everyone involved.

 

2. They focus on their own well-being during and after the divorce.

No one goes through a divorce and comes out completely unscathed. It’s an incredibly difficult process, both emotionally and mentally. However, the people who manage to come out of it stronger than ever before are the ones who focus on their own well-being during and after the divorce. This means taking care of themselves physically, emotionally, and mentally, avoiding self-destructive behaviors, and staying positive despite everything that is happening.

We regularly refer our clients to therapists who are specially trained in helping people work through the divorce process in a healthy and productive manner. When both parties involved in a divorce are committed to supporting their mental and emotional health, especially with the support of trained professionals, the odds of their divorce becoming ugly or drama-filled go down significantly. If you can do this, too, you’re well on your way to a successful divorce.

 

3. The parties keep communication open and honest between themselves and with their respective attorneys.

 Sometimes, divorcing couples will communicate only through their attorneys in order to keep an air of neutrality. However, this can also lead to a disconnect between the couple, even if they originally thought they were on the same page about their divorce process. It’s important that both spouses keep communication open and honest with each other – as well as their attorneys – in order to make the divorce process progress as smooth as possible.

Of course, this does not mean giving up any of your protected attorney-client privileges, but if you and your spouse have agreed to handle the divorce as amicably as possible, maintaining trust between you will go a long way to achieving that goal. Both spouses should notify their attorneys right away that while they do need individual legal advice about certain aspects of the divorce, their goal is to work cooperatively towards a peaceful divorce.

By communicating effectively with everyone involved, you can avoid any misunderstandings or unintended conflicts, which could prolong the divorce process unnecessarily. Furthermore, staying on top of your communication throughout the divorce proceedings can help set the tone for a healthy post-divorce relationship.

 

4. They respect (or accept) each other’s decisions post-separation and don’t dwell on the past.

Another secret to a successful divorce is to always have respect for each other’s decisions post-separation or at least accept those decisions without unnecessary drama. This can be key to maintaining a cordial relationship during and after the divorce. If you can’t respect that your ex has their own decisions to make from now on, it will be difficult to move forward without feelings of resentment or anger rising to the surface.

It’s also critical to not dwell on the past or the future you thought you would have with your ex. The most successful divorcees are those who are about to move on with their lives instead of spending a lot of time dwelling on what went wrong in their marriage. Instead, they focus their time, energy, and thoughts focusing on the future and creating a healthy new life for themselves.

If you’re struggling to move on after your divorce, consider seeking counseling or therapy. As mentioned above, your attorney should be able to recommend a local therapist who specializes in working with people going through a divorce. A trusted counselor or mental health professional will be able to help you work through your emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms. There is no shame in asking for this extra help during such a major life transition like separation and divorce.

 

5. They move on with their lives while also wishing their ex-spouse well.

 In a typical divorce setting, it’s not uncommon for people to harbor ill feelings towards their ex-spouse after a divorce. However, the truly successful divorcees are those who are able to move on with their lives while also wishing their former partner well. This doesn’t mean they’ve forgotten the hurt, anger, or disappointment they may feel because their marriage ended, but they’ve chosen to focus on the future rather than focusing on what didn’t work out the way they thought it would. And that’s something we can all learn from.

 

Final Thoughts

 Although going through a divorce is never easy, these five classy secrets, if applied in your case, can help make the process as smooth and painless as possible. By each remaining committed to your own well-being, keeping your communication open and honest, respecting each other’s decisions, and moving on with your lives, both you and your ex can successfully emerge from your divorce, facing healthier and happier futures. Who knows, you may even find that you can still be friends.

If you are considering a divorce and would like more information about how we can help, even with the most amicable divorce, call our office today to schedule your consultation. If you’re in South Carolina, it’s important to contact an experienced family court attorney like Ben Stevens to discuss your specific situation. Even if you aren’t in South Carolina, Mr. Stevens is happy to offer referrals to a well-qualified attorney located in your state.

 

If you find yourself facing the prospect of a separation, divorce, child custody, support, or other family law issues, you need the help of an experienced South Carolina family law attorney to guide you through the difficult process. Ben Stevens is a Fellow in the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and is a Board Certified Family Trial Advocate by the National Board of Trial Advocacy. He has the experience to help guide you through the most complicated family law issues. You are invited to contact our office at (864) 598-9172 or SCFamilyLaw@offitkurman.com to schedule an appointment.

 

Related Articles by Mr. Stevens:

• Divorce After 50: What Couples Need to Know
• What Are the Benefits of Mediation in a Divorce Case
• Family Law FAQ’s